April 2020 — My guest blog I wrote for the Stop The Abuse Campaign
Everyone Needs A Co-Pilot
Processing the trauma from familial child sexual abuse is a very daunting process. Childhood sexual
abuse crosses all boundaries, robs their victims of their basic human rights, and disrupts the victim’s
normal growth and development. Young victims take on the responsibility of their abuse and experience
guilt, shame, and self-blame as a result of it. These feelings are carried with them long after the abuse has
ended. In my case I was abused for ten years by my best friend’s father. He was seen as the ideal citizen
by everyone, but what people didn’t see was he was the ideal child molester. He was the classic example
of who and what a familial pedophile was. He was not the “Stranger Danger” image that children are
taught to be on the lookout for. My abuser was the most dangerous kind of pedophile; he was someone I
loved. I go into the details about this type of child sexual abuse, the behavior of a familial pedophile, and
the manipulation involved in these cases in my memoir But I Am Here.
Today I want to talk about healing from familial child sexual abuse and processing the experiences. My
abuse started when I was thirteen years old. I didn’t start my healing from those years until almost thirty
years later. Even though so much time had passed I still didn’t have a lot of internal resources to help me
to process my experiences. Through the years I had learned a lot of incorrect coping mechanisms and
important survival skills that allowed me to survive, but nothing to start my healing process. My healing
didn’t begin until I was at a place where I could trust in myself, and more importantly, trust in someone
else. Trusting someone with your story of abuse is a huge hurdle to overcome when you have been
sexually abused as a child. I was fortunate enough to find that person. He became my co-pilot in my
journey of healing.
My co-pilot was a friend, a co-worker, and a doctor, but he was not a therapist. He eventually convinced
me to speak with one and he found one for me. He was a friend that listened and offered support. He was
a man I believed in, a man that radiated peace, compassion, and empathy. He stuck with me and didn’t
judge me. The more you talk about your abuse the easier it is to process. He asked questions and I
answered what I could. He never pressured me into answering anything. He did pressure me into taking
care of myself. He believed in me more than I believed in myself. He kept me focused on myself and my
family. At this point I was about to enter my twenty fifth wedding anniversary year. I had three beautifully
grown children and an extended family. He confirmed my belief that they needed to be my priority.
My co-pilot passed away recently. It was years in the making, but he had gotten me to where I needed to
be before his illness struck. He is and always will be my savior. He got me to a place where I could gain
control of my life. He chose the right profession and life for himself. He was a doctor that truly loved his
family, his work, and his patients. He was visibly outraged when we spoke about the events that happened
to me as a child. He never shut me down; he encouraged me to talk even if it was hard to listen. His
dedication to my healing inspired me to do whatever I, we, needed to do to figure out what was best for
my healing. Every little step I made he would point out that my “world didn’t come crashing down.” It
was what I needed to see and hear. We finally got to a place where I was able to reveal my secret to
others. My co-pilot was so proud of me. I was so proud of myself. I chose to use my past to help educate
others in order to protect children. Children can’t be expected to protect themselves from these evil
pedophiles.
Every victim of child sexual abuse needs a co-pilot. There is strength in numbers. Being a victim of
sexual abuse is a very lonely place. Nobody wants to be in this category; unfortunately this is a very large
group. Knowing you have at least one person on your side is very comforting and empowering. Please be
Everyone Needs A Co-Pilot
a victim’s co-pilot in their healing journey. What I would do to have my co-pilot back again for one more
hug, and to hear him say, “Let’s dig him up and kill him.”
Everyone Needs A Co-Pilot
Processing the trauma from familial child sexual abuse is a very daunting process. Childhood sexual
abuse crosses all boundaries, robs their victims of their basic human rights, and disrupts the victim’s
normal growth and development. Young victims take on the responsibility of their abuse and experience
guilt, shame, and self-blame as a result of it. These feelings are carried with them long after the abuse has
ended. In my case I was abused for ten years by my best friend’s father. He was seen as the ideal citizen
by everyone, but what people didn’t see was he was the ideal child molester. He was the classic example
of who and what a familial pedophile was. He was not the “Stranger Danger” image that children are
taught to be on the lookout for. My abuser was the most dangerous kind of pedophile; he was someone I
loved. I go into the details about this type of child sexual abuse, the behavior of a familial pedophile, and
the manipulation involved in these cases in my memoir But I Am Here.
Today I want to talk about healing from familial child sexual abuse and processing the experiences. My
abuse started when I was thirteen years old. I didn’t start my healing from those years until almost thirty
years later. Even though so much time had passed I still didn’t have a lot of internal resources to help me
to process my experiences. Through the years I had learned a lot of incorrect coping mechanisms and
important survival skills that allowed me to survive, but nothing to start my healing process. My healing
didn’t begin until I was at a place where I could trust in myself, and more importantly, trust in someone
else. Trusting someone with your story of abuse is a huge hurdle to overcome when you have been
sexually abused as a child. I was fortunate enough to find that person. He became my co-pilot in my
journey of healing.
My co-pilot was a friend, a co-worker, and a doctor, but he was not a therapist. He eventually convinced
me to speak with one and he found one for me. He was a friend that listened and offered support. He was
a man I believed in, a man that radiated peace, compassion, and empathy. He stuck with me and didn’t
judge me. The more you talk about your abuse the easier it is to process. He asked questions and I
answered what I could. He never pressured me into answering anything. He did pressure me into taking
care of myself. He believed in me more than I believed in myself. He kept me focused on myself and my
family. At this point I was about to enter my twenty fifth wedding anniversary year. I had three beautifully
grown children and an extended family. He confirmed my belief that they needed to be my priority.
My co-pilot passed away recently. It was years in the making, but he had gotten me to where I needed to
be before his illness struck. He is and always will be my savior. He got me to a place where I could gain
control of my life. He chose the right profession and life for himself. He was a doctor that truly loved his
family, his work, and his patients. He was visibly outraged when we spoke about the events that happened
to me as a child. He never shut me down; he encouraged me to talk even if it was hard to listen. His
dedication to my healing inspired me to do whatever I, we, needed to do to figure out what was best for
my healing. Every little step I made he would point out that my “world didn’t come crashing down.” It
was what I needed to see and hear. We finally got to a place where I was able to reveal my secret to
others. My co-pilot was so proud of me. I was so proud of myself. I chose to use my past to help educate
others in order to protect children. Children can’t be expected to protect themselves from these evil
pedophiles.
Every victim of child sexual abuse needs a co-pilot. There is strength in numbers. Being a victim of
sexual abuse is a very lonely place. Nobody wants to be in this category; unfortunately this is a very large
group. Knowing you have at least one person on your side is very comforting and empowering. Please be
Everyone Needs A Co-Pilot
a victim’s co-pilot in their healing journey. What I would do to have my co-pilot back again for one more
hug, and to hear him say, “Let’s dig him up and kill him.”
4/27/2020 My Podcast discussing my memoir But I Am Here with Jennifer Gordon
https://breakingrulespodcast.podbean.com/e/author-pam-roddy-bettencourt/
https://breakingrulespodcast.podbean.com/e/author-pam-roddy-bettencourt/
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January 11, 2020
Thanks Ron Clark and Ian Johnson at Chat and Spin radio for your support and the interview on The Weekend Show Great program to be a part of. You should listen to the whole show if you can, but if you can't my interview is on at 55.25. wwwchatandspinradio.com Link to interview https://www.mixcloud.com/chatandspinradio98/saturday-11th-january-the-weekend-show-3pm-5pm-uk-time-part-1/ |
September 19, 2019
- GOOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING.
- Great night at the Charles Hotel. Exhale magazine and Magic 106.7 radio personalities Sue Tabb and Kendra Petrone joining together to celebrate former Exceptional Woman talk show guests. I am honored and excited to be asked to be a guest on the Exceptional Woman radio talk show on Magic 106.7, being interviewed about my book
- But I Am Here by Sue and Kendra.
October 10, 2019
Great being interviewed by Sue Tabb on the Exceptional Woman talk show on Magic 106.7 FM
Link to Interview
https://21153.mc.tritondigital.com/OMNY_EXCEPTIONALWOMEN_P/media-session/156cee3c-e92b-48d9-93a5-d804f3c048a8/d/clips/4b5f9d6d-9214-48cb-8455-a73200038129/21bdd843-ca7d-46f9-8993-a92b0036f28b/799700c1-a503-4c92-99b8-aae600d20349/audio/direct/t1571057111/Pam_Bettencourt_on_Exceptional_Women.mp3?t=1571057111
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September 23, 2019 Dracut Access Television Great being interviewed by Colleen Garry on Conversations With Colleen Link to interview https://dracut.vod.castus.tv/vod/?fbclid=IwAR3e1-oaWkf9nvdbQgC2RUxesTrt1k1cqfACztqrVFo96v5uVbRD9yA2S9g&nav=recent&video=57f9731b-e69a-4e58-bab0-19790deebca4 |